Michigan Man has fling with Clinton

By R.J. Moats The Unassociated Press NEW HAVEN, MI. - It was revealed today by a 32-year old New Haven, Michigan man that he had a brief fling with President Bill Clinton while on a sight seeing trip to Washington, D.C. last year. The man, Ogdan Dorfinhummer, claims the tryst took place in the Oval office after he got separated from the White House tour group he was on and wandered into President Clinton's office by a side door that normally was locked but not at the time he entered. President Clinton was alone and surprised, but friendly to the tourist. Dorfinhummer claims that Clinton asked him to visit and then told his secretary to hold all calls and appointments. Dorfinhummer states that after a while Clinton got friendly and sat on his lap and blew in his ear. Dorfinhummer, who admits to being bi-sexual, did not put Clinton off, but encouraged the flirtation. "I was amazed by his (Clinton's) agility and prowess. After Billy locked the door we really got down to brass tacks!" stated Dorfinhummer. "After we had finished, Bill gave me $50 and an autographed picture of himself and asked that I keep quiet about his sexual preference." Dorfinhummer came forward today after the recent rash of claims about Clinton's infidelities and felt that the truth had to come out. "I was a little hurt that Bill never called. I started to feel like a cheap one night stand with him and I want to see him strung out to rot." lamented Dorfinhummer, "Bill could have at least sent me a Christmas card but no, Mr. Big Hammer, as he called himself in the heat of passion, chose to ignore me." When pressed for evidence of the affair, Dorfinhummer produced the autographed picture, a pen with the Presidential seal that he claims he took from Clinton's desk and a kleenex that he states Clinton used to wipe sweat from his brow. DNA testing on the tissue and handwriting analysis on the photo is being conducted today in FBI labs and the outcome will be presented when complete sometime next month if they don't lose the evidence. When confronted with the Dorfinhummer claims, President Clinton stated "This is getting ridiculous! If this Doofonhuffer guy is looking to get any money out of me, he is dead wrong and he should have gone after Micheal Jackson." Hillary Clinton turned a bit pale when she heard the "Mr. Big Hammer" reference and stammered that she had no comment and left the room. In the meantime Janet Reno has set up a 900 number for people who want to come forward about having affairs with Clinton and can be reached at 1-900-GET-BILL ($12.95 per minute, 20 minute minimum). 1-23-98