Kivel and Bits

By Steve Kivel

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I have one strong rule in my writing; never say anything that would shock people into believing that they are anatomically different from your average Barbie and Ken doll. This is, however, Valentine's Month and an adult and frank discussion of "Some Things" is in keeping with the holiday.

DISCLAIMER: This article contains a mature discussion of "Some Things". If topics like "You Know" make you uncomfortable, if words like pant and drool are repugnant to you, or if questions like "What do you do if someone sneezes in your face during the prostrate polka?" bother you; PLEASE STOP READING HERE !

I am no longer 20, and as I too rapidly passed two times 20, I note changes in my life. There was a time that if I were panting, sweating and drooling it meant something other than the elevator was broken.

When fondly reminiscing about my first Valentine's day as a married man, I am more likely to think about the heart shaped cheese cake than anything we may have done that night in our heart shaped hotel room.

Now if I daydream about a romantic encounter, it includes a good restaurant and snappy repartee. I'm just grateful if it doesn't end when I get the check.

Certain realizations have come with this shifting of the blood flow. Dancing for the sake of dancing holds no interest to me. The dance, be it a slow romantic waltz or a wild rumba, is a funny, frenzied exchange. It's a musical interlude and the thrill is not the heel, toe, kick; but learning more about your dancing partner.

Another realization is THE PIZZA PRINCIPLE. Everyone has their favorite pizza, (pepperoni and mushroom, for example, my personal choice). It's easy to order your favorite and forget your dinner guests desires. After you've been together a while, it's easy just to order the same old pie without giving it any thought. On Valentine's Day, try something unexpected, (ham, pineapple and broccoli for instance). You might rediscover the thrill of your first pizza.

A final realization, a shared interest or a game can bring people closer. This year on Valentines Day my wife and I are going to play a game. I get to be Bill Clinton and she is the newly hired intern. It's sure to be a good time.

So this year are your sights set on pizza or dancing or games? If you're a guy with a heart on or a girl looking to share her sweets, remember life is like a Chinese dinner, the meal isn't over until you both get your cookies.

(By the way, the answer to what do you do if someone sneezes in your face during the prostrate polka? Smile, and remember there is a certain amount of contaminants shared in any good dance, trust me.)