By Pseudo the Psychic

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(March 21 to April 19) - Your cat will take a nap in your dryer, check it before you put in the clothes. Later in the month you will use hair spray instead of underarm deoderant.

(April 20 to May 20) - An unwanted relative will visit you and stay for six months. Keep your bedroom curtains closed, your neighbor will purchase a video camera.

(May 21 to June 21) - Jerry Springer will call to ask you to do a show about perversions. Children will give you good reason to commit yourself to a mental hospital.

(June 22 to July 22) - Your phone number will accidently be placed in an ad for a phone sex line, enjoy yourself; but don't bother taking up a hobby this month as you have no talents for anything.

(July 23 to Aug 22) - After the cashier has rung up your large grocery purchase you will find that you forgot all your money at home. Later in the month you will be trapped in a elevator with some very short tempered bikers.

(Aug 23 to Sept 22) - You will receive a $20,000 phone bill for 900 numbers this month. Later in the month you will have a coordination problem so do not handle sharp objects.

(Sept 23 to Oct 23) - A good time to comptemplate your navel, if you can see it. Everything you try to sing at a Karaoke bar will be out of tune and people will throw things at you.

(Oct 24 to Nov 21) - You will lose the ticket stub you need to get back into the movie. A good time to photocopy your butt and send copies to your ex-bosses.

(Nov 22 to Dec 21) - Your computer will not be user friendly to you this month. You will have to remove an appliance from a box filled with millions of foam balls.

(Dec 22 to Jan 19) - Your car will die out in the middle of a lonely country back road in the middle of a thunderstorm. Beware, an ATM machine will shread your credit card and laugh at you.

(Jan 20 to Feb 18) - The waiter will only ask you how your meal is when you have a mouthful of it. This month everytime you pick your nose, someone will see you do it.

(Feb 19 to March 20) - A good time to start seeing a psyhciatrist on a regular basis. The opposite sex will only want you for your money this month so avoid them.